The Quiet Safety of Being Home and Alone

I’ve always felt a little different from the noise of the world. The small talk, the rushing, the endless swirl of things that never felt real.

As a child, I was always scared — scared of people, of loud voices, of anything that felt too big. I didn’t know what to do with that fear, so I tucked it inside and tried to stay invisible.

I was anxious and watchful, always waiting for something to go wrong.

Now, in my adulthood, that fear is still there. It’s not as loud, but it’s in the background, a soft hum of “Be careful. Stay small.” Part of me still wants to go outside and live like everyone else — to join the swirl of people and places.

But there’s a part of me that knows the world has always felt too big, too loud, too fast.

So I find my safety in being home and alone. Not because I’ve given up, but because I’m still learning how to feel safe in my own skin.

At home, I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to explain why I need to pause, why I freeze, why the outside world still feels like too much.

I can let myself be soft — or even numb, if that’s what I need to survive the day.

Some days, I still ache to be out there. To feel the sun, the laughter, the life. But I know that for me, healing starts with honoring the quiet safety I’ve always craved. The safety of four walls and no eyes watching. The safety of my own breath.

If you’re like me — if you’re carrying that childhood fear into your grown-up life — you’re not alone. You’re not broken for wanting to feel safe more than you want to feel seen. You’re just listening to the part of you that still believes in gentle, slow returns.

That’s why I made the I Don’t Feel Like a Person Journal.

For the nights when your mind says, “Go out, be alive!” but your body says, “Not yet. ”

It’s a soft space for the in-between — a place to remember you’re still here, still whole.

You can find it here, if you’re ready: I Don’t Feel Like a Person – Reconnection Journal

Stay soft. Stay safe. You’re not alone.

#dpdr

#dissociation

#traumahealing

#nervoussystemhealing

#freezeresponse

#somatichealing

#emotionalnumbness

#gentlehealing

#healingjourney

#traumarecovery